I Demand My Peace Prize! (You Can Keep the Oscar!)

by Ken Kensington

In 1989, I did a paper and presentation in my high school chemistry class on the threat of global warming. I won't bore you with all of the science and the rock solid conclusions I drew from them, but basically I warned of a possible, or even likely, future in a globally-warmed world -- a future where the differences between the U.S. and Canada would be tragically blurred. I cautioned my disinterested classmates of a future where U.S. Olympic athletes took steroids like their Canadian neighbors.

I pleaded with my fellow teenagers to heed the warning signs or face a future where hockey infested America. Now, only eighteen years after I told my fellow Vikings of this inconvenient truth, 80% of the teams in the NHL are based south of Canada. I gave my dreary forecast not long after Calgary beat Montreal for the Stanley Cup championship. Fast forward ... now, the last three Stanley Cup winners hailed from Los Angeles, North Carolina and Florida, respectively.

As if all that weren't enough, the Canadian dollar, the aptly named "looney," has caught up with the U.S. dollar!

Oh, global warming, I stood on guard against thee.

So Al Gore, no need to send me the Nobel, I'm willing to share it with you.

Scalia is Good for the Heart

by Ken Kensington

Just thought I would pass along this classic line buried in a footnote in Justice Scalia's snarky dissent in Massachusetts v. EPA:

"As the Court correctly points out, 'all airbourne compounds of whatever stripe,' would qualify as 'physical, chemical, ... substance[s] or matter which [are] emitted into or otherwise ente[r] the ambient air.' It follows that everything airborne, from Frisbees to flatulence, qualifies as an "air pollutant." (Interior as well as all other citations omitted. Bold emphasis mine, italics Nino's.)

Unless I'm mistaken, "From Frisbees to Flatulence" was the title of George Wallace's memoir.

You stay classy, Scalia.

There's No Business Like Snow Business

Winter Movies
by Lance Lancington

There's a winter storm happening outside my house right now, and it looks like we could be stuck inside for a while. I'll try to stave off the stir crazies by watching some of my favorite winter movies, and if I lose power I'll just play them out in my head. Here are the top 5 winter movies (Christmas movies are automatically disqualified). As an added bonus, I've include the worst winter movie!

Top 5
5. Midnight Clear
4. The Shining
3. Fargo
2. The Ice Storm
1. Empire Strikes Back

Worst 1
1. Smila's Sense of Snow

Lex Lexington replies:
Oh, Lance, I see your 5 and I raise you 5. Wait, that means that I would have 10. So, I'm just going to call. But it's a strong call. A near raise.

My top 5:
5. The Decalogue (Dekalog)
4. Better Off Dead
3. Affliction
2. Slapshot
1. Doctor Zhivago

Worst 1:
I want to say Snow Day, but I never saw it, so I'll say, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

People, the guantlet, or the mitten if you will, has been thrown down. Won't you pick it up metaphorically by replying with your entries in the comments?

Asia Nora: No Smokes, No Booze, No Ra

Eating Out
by Tad Rainwater

I realize Asia Nora in Washington DC has been around 30 years, but I’m going to review it anyway because a) I had never been there before Friday, and b) I am one of only a handful of people who have sat at a smoke-free and alcohol-free Asia Nora bar. DC’s new smoking ban in all restaurants had been in effect for 4 nights, and though I was initially against the ban, as a non-smoker I am now planning to take full advantage of it. I still fear the slippery slope of restaurant rights: first smoking goes, then transfats naturally. But then what? Sugar? Non-dairy creamer? God I hope not! But this smoking ban isn’t so bad—now I don’t have to wash my Irish sweater after every visit to Nanny O’Briens. Nor does my shillelagh risk cigarette burns at Biddy Mulligans. If you are a non-smoker, but a yes-drinker, I highly suggest you support our restaurants and bars for going smoke free (whether it was willing or not). The majority of bar owners resented the ban for fear of loss of business, and I would hate for them to be right. This town finally has life in many neighborhoods that were wastelands 10 years ago, partly thanks to the bar and restaurant scene. Also, if you have not heard, there will be a “hardship exemption” that allows a restaurant or bar that sees its profits drop by 5% over the first three months of the ban to re-allow smoking. While I think this is a noble principle, this is far too small a percentage to accurately track anything. The waterfront bars, the Monday Night Football bars and the softball bars, not to mention those that pull in huge profits on Halloween and New Years, will surely show a drop in profits during these cold months. I heard Mayor Fenty wants to increase the percentage to 15%, like they have in New York, which would be a good idea but still subject to skewed statistics and abuses. Either way, we should fight potential abuses of the system by GOING OUT DRINKING!

But never mind the clean air, there was no alcohol either at Asia Nora. They had a 48 hour suspension on their liquor license thanks to a sting operation. 4 undercover police officers had come in for a drink back in the November restaurant week. They were served drinks, but one of them was supposedly underage. They arrested the bartender and he later had to do community service (by the way the CS officer let him go home immediately for a $150 cash donation—seriously.) They fined the restaurant $1000 and suspended the license. Anyway, it was rather empty for a Friday night (not surprisingly—we’ve seen the effects of Vegetate minus booze-zzzzzzzzzzz.) The only customers at the bar, we got a lot of attention, got to know the culprit bartender, had fried mussels on a slaw with cashews and carrots and for an entrée seared duck breast which was delicious. There was also a vodka that I had never heard of called Rain, made from organic potatoes. We got a good look at the bottle.

Happy New Year

Today, I saw a spoof of the Impossible is Nothing resume video -- the parody features Michael Cera, who brilliantly played George-Michael on the show Arrested Development. So I thought I'd show both videos here. Also, they're both filled with ideas that would make pretty lame new year's resolutions -- work on that serve and volley! [Both videos are from YouTube.]

Original:

[Update: It looks like YouTube removed the original -- I'll keep looking for it.]

Parody: